What is a sex wizardry actually? Lets dispel the mystique, because the truth is, anyone can be a sex wizard; that's the whole point of naming it, of putting it on a shirt or a phone case. Shit the world doesn't need more plastic; but it sure does need souls woken to the magic that is accessible to every one of us. Anyone can be a sex wizard if they want to be, but most people aren't.
Instinctively we know we're sitting on something fascinating. We have the craving, the interest, the curiosity. As adolescents we are so very curious about sexuality. Its really damn exciting. However we pick up even earlier in our lives that our genitals are our “privates”, that we shouldn't talk about them or touch them without washing our hands. We should only let select people see them, and they are very much compartmentalized from the rest of us. We must not let them see the light of day.
Sex wizardry is not so different from tantra; its many of the same concepts. However, Tantra is often described in heterocentric, cis gendered terms. Sex wizardry goes far beyond that. Sex wizardry recognizes a vast spectrum of expression. Sex wizardry is about merging that duality within. Sex wizardry is not constrained by a binary, of sex or gender; it's about your own inner alchemy and autoeroticism. Of course you may wish to engage with another person and utilize that wizardry for sexual interaction with another; but the foundation is embodiment, and ones relationship with themselves.
Sex wizardry is free of dogma. There are no wrong ways to do it. Its all about self discovery and inner listening. Its all about seducing and being seduced by your inner being. Its about allowing your inner child to be sexual. As you can imagine, this is the frontier of what the mainstream world can wrap its head around. In a world where gayness is not universally excepted, transgendered people are murdered and naked bodies are censored and criminalized, sex wizardry will not be something that you hear about in most circles. But in truth sex wizardry has been around for as long as sex has; however in that time its evolved a lot, especially recently.
Genitals are the primary magical tools of the sex wizard. The body as a whole in truth is the magical tool; the vessel of the spirit. Sex is the external manifestation, and sexuality the felt sense; the magic is in the reuniting, the healing. The whole body has yin and yang, but its all relative; theres no black or white.
The whole body can feel pleasure, and any point be a point of entry for eros, for sexual liminosity. The genitals are especially powerful tools for this state change, this expansion and plane shifting.
During arousal, the penis becomes a gravitational focal point for consciousness. The vivid powerful sensation that occurs from genital stimulation, focuses the consciousness and energy, just like a laser. Our normally sleepy, diffuse awareness, comes fully into the exquisite present. This builds and is amplified if we are skilled with energy cultivation, and mindful focus of our awareness.
Directing that energy at pornography is wasteful. Directing that energy at another human can feel very good for them, and sometimes they will return it to us, creating a circulation; but we have to be able to tap in and turn on our flow for ourselves first. The energy that we cultivate is what we have to give to everything, our creative projects, our own consciousness, and our own healing. That's why a foundational sex wizard practice is self cultivation; also known as mindful masturbation. Sex wizardry is about self care.
An integral part of sex wizardry is about feeling whole, feeling like we can own our experience of our genitals as part of our being, including the good feelings they give us. Part of the good feelings they give us is an altered state of consciousness. This really is the magic part. Sexual arousal is a vast territory; its a doorway opening inward.
And its not just our genitals that are the sexual part of us. Our body really is so very interconnected, just like all of nature. But there are certain access points for certain stimuli, like a button or switch. There are specialized areas we can stimulate to produce certain effects. This is the method where we take more responsibility for what our body is doing. Instead of a haphazard approach where we dont feel like we have much say in our feeling states, learning about, and engaging more with our own intimate systems, provides a real sense of empowerment, and gratitude for the gift of having a body.
Our genitals are a key that opens a door into an interior world. If we stay detached, robotic, thinking sex is only genital pleasure, then were not venturing very far into that interior landscape. Tuning inward and utilizing conscious control of our bodies, is a kind of inner alchemy.
The cock, dick, penis is a multi function organ. Its a wand, its a magical instrument; celebrated in mystical traditions for millennia. Some people even suggest that the reason our culture is dick phobic is because we have been conditioned away from accessing this key, this power that can free us from enslavement. Its been weaponized against us. When the nature based religions were paved over, so was the healthy expression of masculine sexual energy. Many ancient cultures worshipped phallus's. They saw them as living symbols of divine power.
Sex can be a double edged sword; and currently the primary edge that is functioning is the negative one, the one used to sell you things in a covert way. The edge that drains your life force. The edge that numbs your mind. See magic requires discipline and clear intention. It requires responsible use of the power otherwise it becomes destructive.
And sexuality is what you do with your sexual energy. Sex is a magic spell that can be used to harm or heal. With such tremendous power, I believe that we need to bring this esoteric subject out into the light of day; to collectively shine light onto our genitals and dispel the darkness and shame from them; so that we can use them in the service of love, and harmony.
Elevating our sexuality from a compulsive, unconscious, addictive place, to a mindful, sacred, spiritual place is the realm of sex wizardry, sexual empowerment, sexual enlightenment.
Sex wizardry will probably always be the territory of the edge walkers. Its the natural skill set of the shamans and mystics. However, the muggles (Hairy potter term for “regular” people) can benefit tremendously by learning from these edge walkers, from taking part in their classes, their therapies and their knowledge. Perhaps as the world learns to value differences, and to face their own demons; more recognition and reverence for the sex wizards of the world will allow them to do their work, and facilitate a collective healing for the whole world. Its what were here for.
Consent is an important topic to me. I believe it is the point from which we can resolve many of the problems that our modern society faces, because consent fosters connection; its integral to all relationships, when we feel we are respected and our personal preference valued. However consent can be a difficult thing to navigate at times.
There are many times when the world around us is not exactly suiting what we would prefer; and that will probably always be the case, unless we live inside a little bubble. The more we expand into the world, the more likely we will come across elements that we do not prefer. We wont always be wanting to have a relationship, or engage with everyone, everything in our environment; so we can say no, we should be able to say no. Part of saying no is just avoiding certain things. Out on the street, out in the world we say no by not looking, not going there, not engaging, ignoring. If we insist that everything in our environment conform to our wants, we will be domineering, oppressive and micromanaging. I believe that we should respect others right to be and do them, even if its not what we prefer. We have to decide all of the time, is this important to me? Do I want to engage here? I believe that we should also not jump to conclusions, not be reactive, instead be curious. Curiosity opens up our world. Sometimes we don't know what we prefer and so the contrasting elements can help us to learn and to grow.
As a queer person, a non conforming person, as an artist and free thinker, I have presented elements into peoples environments that they sometimes didn't prefer. I have not asked for their consent to be myself. My preference is that they be curious instead of having an aversion to what I offer. Of course if they do not prefer what I express, then I respect their preference as long as they not demand that I conform. Sometimes there is a conflict, and the relationship breaks down; or never develops in the first place.
In reference to this, I have come across the term eye rape, where someone sees something that they do not prefer. Its used quite casually at times which I think belittles, minimizes actual rape.
This project, DICKS ARE MAGIC is about bringing something controversial, male genitals into the light of day, into the streets and public spaces. Dicks are not allowed in public currently. It is a criminal offence to display actual male genitals. So some people suggest that seeing male genitals when they were not expecting to see them or didnt ask to see them, such as an unsolicited dick pic, deserves the classification of eye rape.
There is no such thing as eye rape. I agree that an unsolicited dick pic is not elevated communication. In most cases it will likely be offensive. Whenever we reach out to communicate something to anyone we should be considerate. We might try and put ourselves in their shoes. We might consider the consequences and how it might affect our relationship with them. It's only if we don't care about a relationship with them, that we would do something where we are not being considerate. But there is always a risk that the person will not take kindly to our communication. Were not mind readers, and its only normal to prioritize our needs over imagined boundaries of another.
There may be times when we see things that we don’t like, people do things that we don't prefer; but that is based on our opinion and perception. We are judging what we are perceiving through a lens. It may feel like the other person is being inconsiderate, but we are choosing conflict instead of curiosity.
Yes if we’re taking a stroll in the park, and a stranger flashes their genitals at us we are probably one surprised, because it’s not something we often see, especially in a public place, and two, we may be concerned with the person's state of mind, and further intentions. They are breaking some societal rule, and so we may perceive that they are inconsiderate. That is valid of course as our own assessment, but we should divorce that personal experience from the fact that neither parties are mind readers, and may not conform to the same value system or beliefs or perceive the experience in a similar way at all.
I anticipate that some might consider my art eye rape.
I want to point out a few things. Would it be a problem if it was an unsolicited picture of a puppy? No. That wouldn’t be a problem. However a penis is considered a threatening and dangerous thing. I believe that the primary reason for that is that we generally don’t see them. They are hidden away. We are told when we are young that we shouldn't touch our genitals, that they are our “privates”. All of our body is our personal possession, in that sense private, and that no one else should have access to it without our consent. And, our genitals are really no different from our nose or mouth; they are no "dirtier". We've just been indoctrinated with a collective shame about them. Genitals have been demonized and out of the private context are considered offensive by some, the status quo.
So showing anyone anything, is really just an attempt at communication, and then its up to us how we interpret that. We can jump to conclusions, get upset; but that says far more about us that what the person intended. We can’t know unless we ask them. They might not even know themselves. How you respond could make a lot of difference to the outcome.
DICKSAREMAGIC is an art project, a social commentary, its an education project, and its an offshoot of my other work as a queer mens embodiment coach.
I see dicks as a symbol of male confidence as well as vulnerability. I believe that men experience a lot of inner turmoil and conflict around expressing their sexuality; being proud of it but within the societal bounds. I believe that the societal bounds are far too restrictive, which leads to disease in our societies. There needs to be room to let off steam, to express ourselves. There need to be nude beaches, brothels, and on line spaces that aren't just about porn, but instead are about holism and sex. I believe that wearing a shirt with dick designs is an anti establishment statement; an artistic middle finger to the corporations, religions, and governments that sanitize, regulate, and criminalize a very normal healthy attribute of human nature; and because they do this, we have aberrant behavior, we have actual rape, we have self harming, addiction and despair. The internalized sexuality shaming has been with us for a very long time. It’s time that we change that. It’s also the way that corporations control us, motivate us to buy things using subliminal sexual messages. If we were sexually liberated, sex would not be a useful method of selling things. We would be far too busy being nude, communing in nature, loving life and each other; to give a shit about shopping for things we dont need.
Please don’t perpetuate stupidity with terms like eye rape. Please don’t shame peoples unique sexual expression. If it’s not for you that's fine, walk away, say no thanks, look elsewhere.
Art is a method for consciousness expansion, and censorship is the opposite.